I'm frustrated right now....

Top Nine Books of 2009

9. When you are engulfed in flames- David Sedaris

8.The Architecture of Happiness- Alain d. Botton

7.The History of Tom Jones- Fielding

6. Blink- Malcolm Gladwell

5. The Third Angel- Alice Hoffman

4.A seperate Peace- John Knowles

3.Self-Editing for Fiction Writers- How to edit yourself into print

2.Killing Yourself to Live- Chuck Klosterman

1.The Road- Cormac McCarthy

Today, I was skimming through old emails only to discover that I have another article due January 4th. I really need to get a planner for 2010.However, all the nice ones I like are much to expensive. And, I need a full page for every day because I'm just so busy.

My article is going to be about how the state of texas has ruined my christmas break by moving finals to after christmas. It seems like a nice mellow topic. well.. maybe.

I've been thinking a lot today about the absence of rest. The last time I can truly remember resting was last January. That means that I have spent almost all of 2009 in a constant state of motion. So, with all my "free" time. I thought it might be time for some top ten lists:

NINE FAVORITE SONGS of 2009:

9.Love Will Come Through- Travis

8.Comes and Goes in Waves- Greg Laswell

7.Stay- Sugarland

6.Dimmer- Bishop Allen

5.Various Kitchen Utensils- Skybox

4.Cannonball- Damien Rice

3.Cheerleader- Grizzly Bear

2.See Fernando- Jenny Lewis

1.Race You- Elizabeth & the Capulets

coming tomorrow.... books :)

The worst words....

Nothing from texas

as the mail hits the table.

Christmas break

Today is the first real day of Christmas Break.
Part of me is excited, but when I look at my looming to-do list for the next two weeks, I feel a bit overwhelmed. There are so many things to do and so little time to do them in. I really do feel like I'm missing out on having a "break" by the new switch of finals to after Christmas. I'm going to write a blog about that for the DMN tomorrow though, so hang tight.

The book sits on my desk. or in my backpack. I carry it around and I look at it. Last week, I did not edit chapter one like I was supposed to. Last week, I became overwhelmed and scared and worried by my own words. It was so much easier to write when I didn't have to think about other people reading it. Honestly, i'm terrified of ANYONE reading it. Even though I feel like it might be good, I'm still scared.  I have to decide what that book is meant to be, and moreso what it is meant to DO. I have to decide how it will influence and adjust and compare.

Mostly, I have to write it. I have to rewrite it so that its quality literature. I have to rewrite until I cannot stand my words anymore. Really, I'm starting to understand why people hire editors. But, I'm poor. So, I'll self-edit. Wish me luck, because April 12th I'll (fingers crossed) be sending a finished edited manuscript to publishers)

LOOK AT THIS!!!!

wow.

these are my feelings

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

Today is the day

that revision begins.

except that my room is kinda messy. and cluttered.

how am i supposed to revise a messy and cluttered novel in a messy and cluttered enviornment I ask?

I don't think I can, so I'll be cleaning out my room for a good deal of time. hooray winter cleaning

Bookcover

thoughts?

tonight, in an effort to make myself happy from the very RUDE rejection letter YoungArts sent me, I created a cover for my book.

that's right... my book.

Letters

Its really cold outside, and not just Texas cold. According to my computer, it is currently 41 degrees outside. But luckily, I am seated in front of the fire watching the UT/ Nebraska game. I am just sitting here freaking myself out about college. Well, not really college as much as money.

This is a big in the letter realm. First, I made some REALLY nice Christmas cards at craft day today. They are all really nice, and they all need letters written on the inside of them.

I need to send some letters to some dear friends of mine who have already run away to college. I miss them terribly, and they deserve letters of love.

But mostly, are the scary letters this week.

NFAA/youngarts supposedly sent out some letters on Wednesday that tell people if they are finalists or honorable mentions or just not. Even though I was not particularly thrilled about young arts when I applied, I would love to have my art appreciated at that level.

Second, according to an email forwarded to me by a dear friend of mine, Plan ii will be sending out the first round of admission notification letters this week..... so ..... scary.

So, Today I have extremely mixed relationships with letter.

Wednesday-Schmendsday

today I added some more cards to my hand.

One day, I went to lunch with my father and he made me cry. In no way did he mean to. In no way was he trying to stress me out. He loves me, and I know that. He is trying to help. He is trying to make my life a little easier. He is trying to help me make the wisest decisions so that I can make good life decisions.

He told me a metaphor about cards. The cards are really colleges. Big scary stiff rude difficult cards. "Kelsey," he told me," you're holding two cards in your hand right now: University of Texas and community college"

and that is why I cried. In the middle of potbelly, I had a breakdown. Despite the hoards of people and the sandwich in front of me, I cried and wiped my nose of brown recycled napkins. I cursed saving the enviornment for its itchy paper, but mostly I cursed myself. I cursed myself for not having money to go to college and having no scholarships.

Honestly, I don't want to go anywhere else. All I want to do is Go to UT and be a longhorn. All I want is to go. But money is an issue. So, I got some more cards. SMU, Carelton College, REed College, Bennington College,MICA, and Yale. I have lots of cards now.

But honestly, I hate all of my other cards. I want to set my other cards on fire.

I submitted two applications today. and I hate both of them.